Seek your light again, You’re destined to shine.

There came a time where I had to reflect on why I had been taking on the actions that I had while raising my siblings and pushing through my grief.

At the beginning of my journey, March 4, 2021, I was numb and I really did not understand what my purpose was on this earth and I knew I had a job to do and It was to raise my siblings to the best of my ability. The one responsibility my mom left for me to do besides graduating college and continue to live happily.

As time went on, I could feel that I was allowing my situation to define everything I have become as an individual. Meaning, I thought I was only living for my siblings and that really only did work for quite some time. There was no drive for individual success so all of the accomplishments I wanted to achieve or succeeded at, they felt not necessarily pointless, but I felt like I was going through the journey to those successes in a daze.

I wasn’t being intentional with the goals that I desired, I felt as if I wasn’t going to make it far and that I was only here to do the duties of a guardian. That was just who I was.

There was a point where I was feeling so sorry for myself. I had to realize that plenty of people were feeling sorry for me, so I had no business being in the same room with those people when I am the one that has to live this life and that me feeling sorry for myself was only going to have me sync into an even lower vibration. Continuing to dig myself a deeper and deeper hole.

I would even catch myself at times being so envious of people. People with parents specifically. The people with the big households and villages, all of their friends and relatives. I moved to Florida only a handful of years before my mom had passed away, my village has always been smaller than most. I knew the big villages people had around me was exactly what those people deserved because that’s what I knew God had worked so hard for us to have.. our family, our parents, our peers, that we’re supposed to grow up with the fruitful household and that’s really what stuck in my head and why I felt so left out. I felt robbed for so long with the absence of my father, my closest cousin that was more like my brother, then my last parent was taken from me and I just felt so angry inside because I didn’t understand what I did to deserve to have this all happen to me.

I quickly realized God gifted me all I needed, that what I possessed in my household was just as fruitful as everyone else’s. I started writing down every night 3 things I was thankful for. My connections with my angels before they crossed over to be with God, how blessed I was to have known my angels personally and their positions in my life. My father was amazing, he loved me so deeply and I still feel the love. My cousin, he taught me to love myself no matter the circumstances, that I am and always will be the prize to anyone who encounters me. My mother, the strongest woman I had ever known taught me to never give in to what others expect, to always follow my heart. The list of gratefulness continued onto my home, my siblings, my cars, my education, my bed, my wisdom, my strength, my two best friends that live over 1,000 miles away but still managed to pour into me weekly. I had to train my mind to be more forward, to be more thankful for what was and not what wasn’t.

I started being more mentally attentive to my own emotions: I had to begin the process of understanding my pain was real. My pain was valid. I had to stop and watch every move I made and why I made them. Understanding my reactions to emotionally challenging moments and how I could handle them better. I had to check myself on an entirely different level I’ve never done before. I started reevaluating all relationships I allowed to flow longer than God may have intended, if he had intended them at all. All relationships that I didn’t learn from or gain better knowledge of my purpose, all relationships that depleted the energy I was meant to serve with. I began to pray for God to remove all connections he did not send or felt didn’t support my journey to Christ and self acceptance.

Everything changed.

I STOPPED PLAYING VICTIM!

I decided to let go of the identity of an orphan.

I decided to let go of the identity of being a loner.

I decided to let go of the thought of being a nobody because I had nobody.

I decided to let go and let God.

I decided to fully accept that I am the main character.

I decided to fully accept that I am the author.

The moment I let go of the victimization of what my life has contained within loss that I felt subject to, I gained everything.

I fully recommend letting go of all you feel you control and pray, just pray for revelation, self acceptance, self love, faith, and vision of your light at the end of your tunnel. Pray for wisdom, pray for the confidence God or the higher power you may believe in, instilled in you that may have deterred away from you because of all of the social norms you have configured into that lowered your vibrations, unintentionally.

Seek your light again, you’re destined to shine.